When the going gets tough, some look for love in more than one place; well, according to a new Ashley Madison report. Ashley Madison, a platform often associated with discreet relationships, states that 49% of people pursue additional relationships during stressful periods. And to make matters even more interesting, 41% of them believe “having multiple partners who offer a variety of positive attributes would better help them through a difficult time.”
To make sense of these surprising stats, I spoke with clinical psychologist and relationship therapist Lucy Beresford, who has spent years exploring how modern couples navigate infidelity and connection.
Lucy believes the way we think about relationships and fidelity is changing… dramatically. “I think the conversation around affairs and people having different relationships is way healthier now and a bit more mature than it ever used to be,” she explains. Drawing from her clinical experience and her TED Talk, Infidelity: To Stay or To Go, Lucy delves into the complex question: if someone has an affair, does that mean the relationship is over? Her answer may surprise you.
“It’s my contention that actually relationships can survive that. In fact, they can even thrive,” she says.
According to Lucy, the vulnerabilities that make a primary relationship susceptible to an affair are not always permanent; they can be repaired. By reconnecting, improving communication, and being more attentive, couples can not only mend their bonds but sometimes come out stronger. “If the affair acts as a catalyst for that, well, that’s amazing,” she adds.
For some, an affair isn’t about ending a primary relationship but finding balance. “There are some people who are not looking to blow up their primary relationship, but they do really struggle in the relationship they’re in. They feel unhappy, neglected, [and] taken for granted. If having an affair enables you to show up in your primary relationship as a more fulfilled spouse, a less resentful parent, that is also quite a positive.”
It’s not just the older generations exploring these dynamics. Ashley Madison is seeing a surge in younger users. Lucy points out, “It’s very interesting that Ashley Madison in particular gets quite a lot of sign-ups from single men, particularly Generation Z under 30 years of age who are looking for a different type of relationship. They have the expectation of: I’m going to be in a relationship with a woman who’s already committed, and I’m okay with that. And I’m going on the site so that I know that she’s okay with it as well.”
This shift reflects a broader cultural change. Relationships aren’t just being tested by stress or temptation; people are talking about them more openly and with greater nuance. As society becomes more willing to challenge traditional ideas about fidelity, perhaps the real takeaway is this: relationships are less about rigid rules and more about understanding, communication, and the ways we find connection and support… however that looks for each person.
Written by Debra Oh, Edited by Paige Tamasi, Photography by Bogdan, Published by Debra Oh at Insanity Radio 103.2FM